Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
