We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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