I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
