She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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