she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
