look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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