I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
