It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
