I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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