i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
