i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
