apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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