I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
