a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i barfeds in our rink
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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