the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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