It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
