just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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