I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
