Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
