So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
