I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
