dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
