I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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