When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
