I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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