Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
