Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
