I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
