I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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