He uses pillows to masturbate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
