like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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