can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
