And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
