I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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