Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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