Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
