Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
