So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
