The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
