Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
