so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
