At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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