chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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