Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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