I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
