I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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