You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
