Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
