I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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