No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
